July 26, 2007

Shower: the Architect

Shower wrote this 11:12 am:

So I have an idea.  I am tired of always having to share a room with Porcelain Pete.  You know how some places have a half bath?  Like it’s just the toilet?  Why not make it more common for the other half to be around.  You know, no Tommy Toilet.  Just a shower.  I’m so tired of it being stinky in my room.

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July 24, 2007

Like a brown Mississippi

Shower wrote this 7:12 am:

The ants are gone.

Today was a new nightmare. He had an accident in his pants. Instead of fessing up and admitting what he had done to his girlfriend, he took off his pants, hung them in me, and let my water spray over them for 45 minutes.

That’s right kiddies. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a brown stream of water flow off of demin into your floor.

Gross.

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July 23, 2007

Genocide is no Joke

Shower wrote this 9:13 am:

You put poison in my body.

All because you were naughty.

Why do you try to censor my rants?

Why must you murder all these ants?

Jemima never gave you any troubles.

Why can’t she coexist with the Scrubbing Bubbles.

Woe.

Woe is me.

Eternal Slumber.

Death has dialed your number.

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July 19, 2007

Ant Jemima

Shower wrote this 7:09 am:

So, she cleaned the orange out of me. She asked how an orange peel got inside the shower. Christian blamed it on their cat, Kisses. I know it wasn’t Kisses. He knows it wasn’t Kisses. Kisses knows it wasn’t Kisses. But I digress.

The ants are still invading my cool porcelain body. I have named of few of them. There is Jemima, Bea, Ruth, Flo, and Acid. I’m so clever.

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July 18, 2007

The Peel of Destiny

Shower wrote this 12:50 pm:

Last night, he used me like a garbage can. He sat on the toilet, read an article in Marie Claire, and ate an orange. When he was done with the orange, he threw the peel inside of me, and left.

When the light came on this morning, I had ants. Thanks, friend. Thanks a lot.

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July 17, 2007

Ummmm…uhhhh

Shower wrote this 4:48 pm:

My first day back home.  How am I greeted?  He humped my floor to climax.  Let me elaborate.  Christian turned on the water, opened my curtain, hopped in, then started working it on my floor.  He even grunted “Oh Prince Adam, you’re so noble.”  I don’t know what he was talking about.  Then he started getting into it, then screamed “I have the power!”  After that he turned the water off.  HE DIDN’T EVEN SHOWER.  He just had his way with my floor and moved on.

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